Thursday, May 25, 2017

Roast tRump Roast

Late-night hosts on White House's $2tn math mistake: 'Trump is an idiot'

Comics, including Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon, discussed the president’s budget proposal and his awkward meeting with Pope Francis

‘If a train leaves Washington DC traveling at 40mph, please get on it’ ... Stephen Colbert to Donald Trump. Photograph: YouTube
Late-night hosts discussed the problems with Donald Trump’s latest budget proposal and his meeting with the pope.

On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert suggested that Trump’s “semester abroad” might need to be extended. “He might want to stay over there for a little while until the firemen can put out his budget proposal,” Colbert said.

While many have already criticized the cruelty of some of the budget cuts, others have pointed out something far more serious. “Not only does nobody like it, but it turns out it has a huge mistake in it,” Colbert said. “Not the part about cutting funding for cancer research; that’s just one of passion projects.” 

The proposal features a $2tn error. “There’s a simple explanation for why this happened: Donald Trump is an idiot,” he said.

When the budget director, Mick Mulvaney, defended the math, he said it was deliberate and that they wanted to be careful to avoid making too many assumptions. “When you assume, you make an ass out of you, Mick Mulvaney,” Colbert said.

He ended with a math problem for Trump. “If a train leaves Washington DC traveling at 40mph, please get on it,” he said.

On Late Night with Seth Meyers, the host referred to Trump as Dumb Corleone for his attempt to request loyalty from James Comey: “I’ll make him an offer he can’t accept.” 

Comey has revealed that he recorded conversations with Trump in memos, something that other members of the administration have now admitted to as well. “Trump is so crazy, every time people leave the room, people go: damn, I’ve got to write this shit down,” he said.

Meyers compared elements of the new budget proposal with what Trump had promised on his campaign trail. “This budget lays bare just how much of a fraud Trump’s campaign was,” he said. “It goes back on virtually everything he promises to the people who voted for him.”

In discussing how Campaign Trump would get on with President Trump, Meyers said: “They would fucking hate each other.”

He also spoke about the $2tn mistake. “I have a feeling math errors are what caused Trump to go bankrupt four times,” he said.

On The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon spoke about the president’s meeting with the pope. “Everyone in the US was watching closely and looking for some white smoke to see if we had a new president,” he said.

A picture of the pair went viral after Trump was seen beaming, yet the pope was less than happy. “Trump looks like a guy who just flew on Air Force One, while the pope looks like a guy who just flew United,” Fallon said.

Finally, on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, the host also covered the visit with the pope and speculated on what Trump thought of the Vatican. “He said it reminded him of one of the bathrooms at his house,” he said.

The pope presented Trump with a medallion featuring an olive branch. “Unfortunately, Trump is only in year 70 of his 100-year deal with the devil right now, and he’s got a no-trade clause, so it’s very unlikely that he would switch teams,” he said.

Kimmel also joked about the coverage that rightwing press gave the meeting. “If you were visiting from another planet and turned on Fox News, you really might not have known which one of these guys was the holy one,” he said.

No comments: